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Note: H00003
Note: Cremated and scattered at 1413 Teneighth Way.
OBIT: Sacramento "Bee." HAYS, JOANNE - In Sacramento on March 16, 1994. Beloved wife of the late David g. Hays, loving mother of Barbara Cook, David Fenner Hays, Kathy Ann Hays and William John Hays, all of Sacramento. Sister of Jay Fenner of Danville, CA; the late Brill Fenner and Peggy Perkins. Also survived by 5 grandchildren, numerous nieces and nephews. A native of Berkeley and resident of Sacramento since 1932. Member of Alpha Omicron Pi, U. C. Berkeley; U. C. Alumni Association, the Pioneer Congregational Church, also the Sacramento Children's Home Guild. ...Memorial Services will be 11 A.M. Tuesday at the Pioneer Congregational Church, UCC, 2700 L Street, Sacramento, Ca 95816. Family requests Memorial Contributions be sent to the Pioneer Congregational Church Organ Restoration Fund. Private Cremation.
JOANNE'S STORY: Written by her daughter, Barbara Hays Cook and read by her granddaughter, Kristin Faust at her mermorial service, 22 March 1994, Pioneer Congregational Church, UCC. Everyone has gathered here today because we loved and respected Joanne. If there was one theme that was constant in her life, it was that of loving care-giver to all around her. Many of you, her friends and family, were participants in and witnesses to that remarkable life; and you saw how she lived it with self-sacrifice and a generosity of spirit that was Christian in the finest and truest sense. Joanne Fenner was born in Berkeley, California on 6 June 1917, the eldest daughter of the four children of Anna Mildred Brill of Sharpsburg, PA and Jasper A. Fenner of Branch Co., MI. Her father's work as a pharmaceutical chemist and early importer of Western medicines to the Orient took the family to Japan, China and, finally, to Bombay, India. It was in India, at a British boarding school, that she spent her formative pre-teen years. Brill, Joanne, and the twins, Peggy and Jay, were four, very homesick American children, separated for months at a time from their parents. And it was Joanne who "mothered" and cared for her little brother and sister and began the process of seeing her own mother through many an illness. Interwoven with Joanne's many wonderful stories of cobras and tigers, of Girl Guiding and field hockey, of palaces and all the splendors of the British Raj was, also, her story of incredible human misery that was India in the 1920's and of the wonders of what Western medicine could do to alleviate the suffering. Here, she decided to to try to become a doctor. The Crash of 1929 and ensuing Depression brought the family home and Joanne worked, studied and graduated from Sacramento High School and Sacramento Junior College. She was a fine athlete and avidly pursued her dancing, swimming, tennis and field sports. But it was her Junior year at Cal, Berkeley, with her Alpha Omicron Pi sorority sisters and pre-med studies that was the high point of her young life. That is - until she fell in love with and married the true love of her life, David G. Hays. For the next 14 years, from 1938 to 1952, Jo and Dave lived the "American Dream." Those years were, without a doubt, the happiest of times. They had four healthy children, built a successful business and bought the home she loved so well. Then came the hard years -- one terrible August night in 1952 their lives were instantly changed forever when an auto accident left Dave a physically helpless quadraplegic. Joanne was just 36 and Dave 38. They had a baby in diapers, a toddler and 2 school-age children to care for. Her life, as she had known it, was over! However, for the next 29 long years Joanne cared for Dave, literally kept him alive, was never away from him or the home for more than a few hours at a time; and together they raised their family. Some of you who are here today and many who have gone before, went through those agonizing times with them. and you remember her sleepless nights, whole days and evenings at a hospital bedside, the backbreaking strain of constant lifting and the incredibly complicated, hands-on medical care that she gave so lovingly, willingly and with never, ever a complaint, harsh word or a railing against the injustice of it all. But the truly incredible thing about those years, from the childrens' perspective, was the very normalcy of them. The life of the family went on as they - she- wished it and willed it. True enough, Daddy was in a wheelchair and not on the golf course. But still, she managed the finances, baked the cookies, acted as Den Mother, sewed the ballet costumes, drove the carpools, gave the luncheons and teas and in ALL respects carried on - and on - and on to see her children raised and educated and her grandchildren born. And then, in 1981, after Dave died and while her own health was failing, Jo continued to care for her own mother for another year. And how did she - did they - forbear through all those years without breaking down, stressing out, giving-in, "jumping ship"? She did it with strength of mind, of will, of character, of spirit and with plain "true grit." And it was based upon love, self-sacrifice, duty and my parents' (grandparents') profound belief that God gives us only those burdens which He knows we are strong enough to bear. My father, Dave's own firm Baptist faith helped HIM through those 29 years; and Joanne, with the example of Christ's life before her, lived hers in the imitation of His. Now - all of this is a very sad story and "where," you may ask, "was the joy, her pleasure, her triumph"? Well, it was all around her - in things both small and great. First, in the little, every day things she loved so well - Vic's ice cream, her roses and kitty cats, Chrysler cars and golf matches on TV; Rush for three hours every day and CNN; following the money market, pretty clothes, her home and kitchen, strong curries and Japanese food. And then there was Christmas, the time of year she loved the most because it brought all the family together. And finally, she loved, especially, the company of the "men in her life," her sons Bill and Dave and son-in-law Frank, all of whom made her feel safe and reminded her in some way of "her Dave." Next, there was her pleasure in the friends of a lifetime - those who were "there" for them after Daddy was hurt.................Mom loved her church, this church where her children were Christened and her granddaughter, Lindsay, was married. But most of all, there was the joy she took in her family. How proud she was to see all four children and three grandchildren receive their college degrees. She marvelled at son David's ability to design, built or repair anything and his willingness to always help out. She enjoyed Dave and Mary's athletic achievements and had real fun, for the first time in years, when she went to Hawaii in 1981 to watch them swim, bike, run and finish in the Ironman Triathlon. Kathy's music, dancing and teaching credential made her happy; she was proud of Bill's biology degree and granddaughter Steph's horsemanship and skiing. She loved flying to Boston and Cambridge to watch oldest granddaughter Kristin receive her Harvard MPA from the Kennedy School of Government. And then ther was her almost daily interest in the vicissitudes of the family real estate business with Barbara, Frank, Trey and Lindsay. And, finally, there was her greatest joy and triumph - the one that she would be proud to proclaim - that she, that they, with God's help endured. That she helped Dave to live a long, full life and that they had, together, to use theologian Paul Tillich's phrase, "THE COURAGE TO BE...IN SPITE OF." And Joanne would say, as the Apostle Paul did to Timothy, "and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (BJC March 1994)
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