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Note: Some people live a lifetime without ever knowing what it means to be home. For those of us who had Papa in our lives, he was everything it meant to be home.
The sound of his spoon gently stirring his coffee in the morning, his rustling through the fridge for the previous night?s left-overs to be warmed up for breakfast, the sound of the snow shovel scooping up snow before he left for work. When he returned from a strenuous day of work, he would never complain ?. he would ask us about our day. After dinner, he would sit in his favourite chair and read the newspaper or books until he would nod off. He provided his family with security and love. He could fix or make anything. He was home to us.
He was as upright in his posture as he was in his work ethics. His greatness was in the example he led for us, his humility, his appreciation of the simple things in life and in his generous spirit. His spirit was huge, even though it was quiet. His spirit is wound into the very fabric of who we are and who we will be. We loved every thing about our Papa.
Alf was born and raised in Alberta and was the oldest son of six children. His siblings were Frances, Eileen, Frank, Lorraine and Eugene. Only his brothers, Frank and Eugene are still living in Calgary. Alf?s father, Walter Durrer was an entrepreneur. He had been taught the fine art of altar carving from his father, Nicholas, and he had opened up photography studios in Formosa and Mildmay. He went out west in 1904 and began taking photos of early settlers and their houses. Then he bought a furniture store in Didsbury. When his father died suddenly in 1906, he returned home to finish carving and building the altar for St. Mary?s Church in Kitchener.
After that, Walter returned to Didsbury, married Adella Hallett from South Dakota, began the business of a funeral director and raised a family.
Alf grew up in the comfort of a loving family. His father taught him how to built furniture and houses, and even how to carve. He also learned about the value of work ethics and love. His youth was spent riding through the wilderness of central Alberta on horseback; going camping for 3 weeks at a time; and raising a pet porcupine, crows and a coyote. As a teen, he worked in the local movie theatre and learned how to run the projector. He became a licensed projectionist and when he graduated from high school, he travelled around Alberta to local theatres, showing films. He would drive up to Athabasca Landing in the midst of winter in his car that had no heat. The people drove into town to see the movies on their dog sleds.
Alf grew up during the Depression. There was very little work available. He helped local farmers plant and harvest their crops; he assisted his father in his undertaker?s business. But he knew he didn?t want to be a farmer nor a funeral director. For the rest of his life, flowers inside a house would always remind him of the funeral parlour.
Alf?s life changed in 1940 when the War broke out in England. He enlisted in the Air Force and because of his welding experience, was placed in the air frame mechanics and electrical wiring division. He was R76963. He was first stationed in St. Thomas, Ontario. While there, he often would hitch hike to Kitchener to visit his father?s sister and her family. On New Year?s Eve of 1940, he went to Goudies Department Store to say ?hello? to a friend of his sister, Eileen. Eileen had come East to work for a few years and she had talked to Alf about her wonderful friend, Anna Fehrenbach. Well Alf saw Anna and thought she was quite a dish. He worked up enough courage to ask her out for that night. She declined as she already had a date to go dancing. He was disappointed, but Anna asked him over to her sister?s house for the next day.
It was there that the magic began, in the living room of 27 Peppler Street in Waterloo, in the house that was to become known as the Schmuck Hotel. Anna?s sister, Olivia Schmuck, welcomed Alf into her home. On his third visit to 27 Peppler, there was a birthday party going on, hosted by Anna?s brother, Eddy. Harold Schmitt was playing the piano. Alf threw his Air Force hat in the door and it landed by the piano. That caused quite a bit of excitement. Everyone fell instantly in love with the dashing young airman in his uniform. The romance began and continued every second weekend when Alf had a leave.
In April of 1941, Alf found out he was being transferred the next day to Claresholm, Alberta. He was excited about returning to Alberta ? but he didn?t want to leave his Anna behind. He telephoned her about his transfer and worked up enough courage to ask her to marry him. From that point on, Alf became the happiest man alive. He had found his true love, his best friend, his darling. Anna moved to Alberta in August and they were married in Didsbury on August 6, 1941.
Like the birds he loved to raise and watch, Alf too began to build his first nest with his beloved Anna. Their first home outside of the air force base was an 8X10 unheated cabin. They existed there in bliss until Alf was transferred to Dorval, Quebec where he and his crew inspected the bombers that were flown up from the States before they were flown overseas. This was the time before the United States had officially entered the war and were unofficially helping the RAF & RCAF.
While Alf was in Dorval, he received a telegram that his first child, Deanna, was born in October, 1943. He was so happy to have a baby. He would have to wait for two months before he could see her. Anna and Deanna returned to Kitchener and moved in with Anna?s sister, Olivia and her family ? into the Schmuck hotel.
In November 1943, Alf was transferred to Mt. Pleasant, PEI, even further away from Anna. He remained there for the next 2 � years until the war ended. He would sometimes get a 72 hour leave and he would take a train to Waterloo for 1 � days, have 6 hours in Waterloo with Anna and Deanna, and then board another train to return to Mt. Pleasant. This was the love that Alf had for his Anna.
He really liked PEI as he was able to eat seafood everyday. While in PEI, his job was to repair the damaged Liberators and Lancasters brought back from over-seas combat. After he fixed up the planes, he would have to fly in them to check their airworthiness -- it was his neck on the line if he didn?t do a good job.
The war ended finally and Alf returned to his Anna and Deanna. They continued to live with Olivia and save enough money to build a house. Beverly was born in February, 1947. In the Spring of 1949, they bought an acre of land on Ottawa Street by the auditorium from Anna?s brother, Eddie. Alf began to build his house. He had had excellent training from his father. By the winter he had it enclosed. He worked on the house every night after he had worked all day installing furnaces for Schnurr & Kraemer, and then, Leo Kraemer. Alf would ride his bike to the house after work each evening and work till dark and Anna would take the trolley from Waterloo and walk a mile to the house to bring Alf his dinner. Anna would take the trolley home again and Alf would ride his bike home. This continued until May 1, 1950 when they moved into 198 Ottawa Street. Marie was born 16 months later in October 1951.
And so Alf?s life became complete. He had a house that he built for his family, a loving wife, and a family. Oh yes, soon after came the first dog, Tammy. Papa had a real affinity with dogs. All dogs gravitated to him. Whenever there was a dog brought into the house, she immediately became Alf?s dog. (He only bought female dogs). Even Deanna?s dog, Meeka, and Marie?s dogs, Emma, Rosita and Rocky all went crazy when we told them that ?Papa was coming?.
Papa?s life was his family. He didn?t go away on fishing or hunting trips or go out with the boys. He spent every spare minute with his family. They were always the most important part of his life.
Alf & Anna looked forward to weekly card games with their neighbours, the Kratchicks, parties with the Lang family at Frank & Betty Jessop. They had some wild times out there that sometimes involved manhattans, martinis, burning wooden toilet seats, and winter saunas, followed by a roll in the snow. They always had such a great time together.
Alf built a loving environment for his family. He put food on the table, and gave his family lots of love. He took the girls fishing; played baseball with them; became the king of barbecues in the summer; packed the family up and took them on picnics --he even made a portable fold-up picnic table for his family. He showed them by his example the wonders of reading and listening to music. Up until this week, he always played his music. His absolute favourite singer was Sarah Brightman. We played some of his favourite songs before this ceremony began -- ?Think of Me?, ?Chi il bel sogno?, ?If I Ever Fall in Love Again?, ?One More Walk Around? and ?Guardami? -- and we played his most favourite, ?A Time to Say Goodbye? as we ushered Papa in today.
Papa worked until he was 65 and then he and Nana sold their house and moved into the apartment at 65 Westmount where their circle of friends grew to include Elmer & Agnes Grieb, Betty & Bill Timmis, Ida & Earl Fowler, Gwen Leslie, Doris Wills and Fred and Eileen Parry. They traveled to California, Florida, and Texas. Alf loved to drive and see new places.
Papa loved being surrounded by women. He grew up with 3 sisters and was very close to them. He had 3 daughters and had to share the bathroom with 4 women. Sometimes when we went to visit him at his apartment on Westmount Road, he would be missing in action and we would find him in the laundry room, sitting down talking with 3 or 4 women. Women loved our Papa too. He was a good listener, he paid attention to whoever was speaking and he commiserated without giving his opinion. He was everything a woman could want.
He was a sharp dresser too. He loved wearing colourful shirts and he certainly wore them well. I think he attracted a lot of attention. You could always see him coming from afar as his shirts stood out. In the last 2 years, I would drop in after work to see him and inevitably I would be wearing my black, blue or grey suit. He would always comment on how sharp I looked, but he would add, ?but Jeff, you should introduce a little colour so you don?t look so drab?. We loved Papa?s shirts. How many 92 year old men would wear the colours as well as he did. He loved going to Texas each year with Marie and Greg where he would buy several new ?wild? shirts to add to his wardrobe. When he moved into the Sunshine Retirement Lodge, we had to put in an extra closet for his shirts as the closet there wasn?t large enough for his shirts, trousers and matching suspenders.
The male family members decided that we should honour Alf today by wearing some of his favourite shirts. Perhaps you have recognized some of them already. We raided his closet ? and there are still another 15 shirts we didn?t use today. Perhaps all of you wearing Alf?s shirts could stand up for a minute and show off Alf?s shirts one last time.
Papa?s favourite colour was red. He loved red cars. He would usually chose red clothing for both he and Nana to wear. This past year, he must have worn his red sweater every day. For Christmas, all he wanted was red flannel pajamas.
For his final outfit, we chose his yellow shirt with his special suspenders, purchased 2 years ago by Greg and Marie in Papa?s ancestral town in the mountains in Switzerland. These suspenders had little edelweiss on them. He LOVED these suspenders and we thought he should have them with him.
Last November when Papa was in Texas with Marie & Greg and Deb and Geoff Lorentz, he began to play the card game, Hearts. They played every night for a few hours and Papa didn?t have any of his evening snoozes. He wasn?t a fierce competitor, but he sure loved the kibitzing that went back and forth. Unfortunately he ended up with the Old Queen of Spades and from time to time he would utter, ?not her again?. It was always dangerous to those who sat beside him because if Alf were dealt the Queen, you could be sure he would pass it to you right away. I only heard Papa cuss a few times. The first time during an after dinner males-only joke session a few years ago. The second time was a few weeks ago when I slipped the queen of spades ever so gently under his king while playing Hearts with him at Greg and Marie?s .
Papa always loved to eat. He was a nibbler. After he retired, he would graze all day on any cheese, meat or grapes in the refrigerator. He took over the cooking when Nana could no longer do it and became very proficient. He collected recipes and he shared them with others. He made the best banana muffins, and zucchini bread. Over the past few months, he lost his taste, his appetite and 30 pounds. He was really disappointed that he could not taste things anymore. We could usually lure him out to one of our homes for a visit if we tempted him with steak, roast beef, beer-butt chicken or curried goat.
Another of Papa?s passions was his love of cars. He loved his cars. He used to buy a new Pontiac every two years or after 18,000 miles. It was such a treat for him to have a new car. He drove up until last year ? but he was very proud that his licence was still valid.
Papa?s world changed dramatically around 1998 when his Anna?s physical and mental state weakened. He lovingly became her caretaker. He cherished every moment with her and patiently attended to her needs. He didn?t complain if he stayed awake most nights in fear that she would get out of bed and fall. No matter what condition Anna was in, he wanted her with him. Extra help ? Yvonne Ingersoll --was brought in for Anna so that she could continue living with her Alfie. Eventually it became too much for him and she went to a nursing home. Her health deteriorated until she died 2 years and 1 month ago.
Poor Papa was absolutely lost without his love, his Anna. Their?s was a true love affair; he could recall the moment they met, the words they spoke and every detail of their honeymoon. One would swear that no one else ever had a relationship as special as theirs.
A year ago in November, he moved into the Sunshine Retirement Center and made new friends again. He began to slow down a little, but he maintained his spirit and his sense of humour. He had a great wit about him and was never at a loss to remember a joke. How he remembered jokes that he told from 70 years ago, always amazed us. He was very happy with the new chapter of his life until he came down with shingles a year ago in February. It took him a year to recover, and unfortunately, it took some of him too. In the meantime, he enjoyed his new friends and surroundings.
In the past few months, he told us that he felt old and weak, but we refused to believe him. Not Papa. We refused to let him age. We prodded him along and kept him busy. Greg and Marie begged him earlier this year to move to New Hamburg to be closer to them ? but he said he thought that moving would be too much for him. We truly believed that he would live to be 100 as he still had all his wits about him.
Three months ago, his doctor prescribed sleeping pills for Papa as he had such a terrible time trying to sleep. He asked his doctor for how long he would have to take the pills and when he didn?t get an answer, he answered it himself ? I guess I just take them till I have the really big sleep.
He must have sensed that his time was almost up. Papa and Marie began writing his memoirs over a year ago. Just last Thursday, Marie finished the final draft of the 153 page book? and the next night, he fell asleep in his favourite chair and passed away very quietly. He died in his sleep the same way his father and his sister Lorraine had died.
Papa was a quiet man, an unassuming man. He was never critical of others. Having said that, he wasn?t blind to the traits of his loved ones that would show up in an unfavourable light, but he held no grudges and never withheld his love. He was all too aware of people?s strengths and chose to focus on that. He was the quiet man sitting in the background, watching and listening. By listening he got to know the inner spirit of each of us. Papa was a phenomenal ?people person?.
His whole life has been about Love. He loved his Anna, his children, his grandchildren, his great grandchildren, his friends, and the people who surrounded him. He loved and appreciated everything that was done for him. He never had an unkind word to say about anyone ?unless you asked?. And even then it was never harsh. He was kindness itself. Greg said that if people tried to be half as kind as Alf, they would be much better people. Alf just wanted to make sure that all his people were happy and OK.
After Nana?s funeral, Papa was astounded by the number of people who came to see her. He talked about it for months and couldn?t get over that there were that many people out there who had cared about Anna. At 92, Papa?s circle of friends was getting larger. We celebrated his birthdays with huge parties. We had just printed his invitation for his party in May. Well I think Papa would be absolutely over-joyed by the sheer number of friends who have come to say goodbye to him over the past two days. This is truly Alf?s last party. Even Prime Minister Paul Martin sent flowers for this occasion. Papa would want you all to come back to Marie & Greg?s house in New Hamburg after the ceremony today, to continue his celebration of life for the last time. This invitation is extended to all of you and not just family members.
Someone said to me that his death must have left an empty space in our lives. That is not true. It has left a crater in our lives. He was so much a part of our every day lives. We will never be able to fill the void in our lives. We loved everything about him. We were so proud of him.
Papa would always tell me that he was proud of me and proud of each and every one of us. But you know, we were equally as proud of him at age 92 ? his gentleness, his humility, his polite demeanour, his presence in any room, his wit, his knowledge, his friendliness, his shirts. Papa?s entire existence was about LOVE. . . . . .
Papa was a builder. He created a well-built home for all of us to exist in. His foundation was comprised of his strong principles and work ethics -- he taught us to always be fair, kind, non-judgemental and to live by strong principles; to be honest, good to others and to love and support one another.
His walls were made of trust ? he let us live our lives as we chose, knowing that we would remain within the boundaries that he had instilled in us.
And his roof encased us with love ? we always knew that he was there to hug, kiss, cherish and accept us.
His spirit will indeed live on in each one of us, but we will never measure up to the man that Alf Durrer was. Our home will never be the same.
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